What's wrong with the word "no"? Yes, Shakespeare even has Hamlet saying it in Act 3, Scene 3 of his most famous play. And at around 18 months, toddlers start throwing "no's" around whenever and wherever without a thought of hurting the feelings of their audience. By the time these English speakers become teenagers, they might even go to more dangerous territories using these expressions: "No way!" "Not even if you paid me!" "Not for all the money in the world!" "Are you kidding me?" "Hell, no!"

So what is the problem?

Simply, strong no's can hurt people's feelings. So the good speaker of English when reaching adulthood changes this pattern. Adults learn the art of saying no. Once you master this art, you will see how listeners will begin to react to your no's in more positive ways.

"But, aren't Americans known for their directness?" you might ask.

While it is true that Americans are often direct, in the world of the classroom and business, they are often indirect and use many softeners-especially trying to avoid the word "no."

Let's examine these conversations between teacher and student.

Teacher: Did you do the homework?
Student: No, I didn't.

Teacher: Do you want to do your presentation next week?
Student. No, I don't.

Teacher: Want to come to the party this week?
Student: No, I can't.

Now let's listen to the same exchanges with a student who has mastered the art of saying no.

Teacher: Did you do the homework?
Student: Unfortunately, I didn't have time yesterday. But I'll get it in by tomorrow.

Teacher: Do you want to do your presentation next week?
Student: I'm afraid next week would be a bit hard. Would it be at all possible to do it the week after next?

Teacher: Want to come to the party this week?
Student: Oh, I'd love to, but unfortunately I already have plans. I'm going to make sure I don't miss the next one.

Unfortunately...
I'm afraid...
I'd love to but...
I wish I could...
Oh, it sounds wonderful but...
If I weren't so busy, I'd love to...

Also, did you note that the student who mastered the art of saying no always gave an upbeat solution?

I'll get it in by....
Would it be at all possible...?
I'm going to make sure I don't miss....

Yes, Americans love soft no's and love upbeat solutions. It is like so many of those old 1940's black and white movies, where there is a happy ending.

So the next time someone asks you if you have the homework, and you don't, trying squeaking out that word "unfortunately," and you will see the difference in your listener's face.